Despite finally reaching the ABC’s preferred audience demographic age of 81, Ita Butrose has announced she will be finishing up as ABC chair in March 2024.
It’ll be the first time in more than a decade that Labor will get to choose a new ABC boss, and the hyperventilating over potential candidates is in full flight.
The media have thrown up a bunch of mostly male, mostly stale suggestions, but if the ABC wants to thrive, it’ll need some out-of-the-box thinking. Please consider.
Clementine Ford
It will come as no surprise that most of those touted as possible successors to Ita have been men. Clem’s refreshing ‘fuck-you-I-won't-do-what-you-tell-me’ vibe might finally allow Auntie to connect with the younger audience it’s been vainly chasing since the late 1980s.
Strength: To younger, more diverse audiences she’s a new broom.
Weakness: To older, more conservative audiences she’s riding a broom – like that’s a bad thing.
Alan Joyce
In terms of getting obscene amounts of money from governments to prop up iconic institutions we love to hate, the plucky leprechaun has no peer. This alone makes him a top contender. Secondly, with Qantas, Joyce was been responsible for losing lots and lots of baggage, a skill the ABC could use right now. Looking at you Q&A, Insiders, Midsommer Murders, Spicks and Specks, Call the Midwife and anything where Luke McGregor talks about sex.
Strength: He’s available.
Weakness: He’s as popular as herpes and he’d have to cop a 99% pay cut.
Bluey
Bluey is an inexhaustible six-year-old Blue Heeler dog who loves to play and turns everyday family life into extraordinary adventures. While it’s been some time since the ABC was helmed by an actual two-dimensional cartoon character -- Jonathan Shier left in 2001 -- insiders suggest putting a blue-faced young pup with energy, imagination and curiosity in charge makes sense aslate stage capitalism plays out and we hurtle towards environmental collapse.
Strength: ABC Senate Estimates appearances would be ‘must-see-TV’.
Weakness: Bluey is still at school and, more concerning, she’s from Brisbane.
Mark Latham
As a failed leader of both Federal Labor and NSW One Nation, Latham certainly knows how to make his mark on demoralised organisations. For those who think he lacks broadcasting experience, don’t forget that Mark has worked for, albeit briefly, more networks than anyone else ever. Finally, his taboo busting culinary work with Alan Jones on Sky TV should be enough to get him on the short list.
Strength: Intimately familiar with ABC complaints processes.
Weakness: Unlovable, homophobic, barking mad and racist.
Rupert Murdoch
Despite the fact he’s older than Methuselah, he’s not really Australian, and he once signed a blood oath with Satan himself in the depths of Hell to destroy the ABC and everything it stood for, Rupert deserves some consideration. After all, his Trojan-horse strategy of embedding SkyNews royalty (back to you, Speersy) into the belly of the beast is taking too long, even for someone who’s, you know, undead.
Strength: At last, JJJ’s Richard Kingsmill will have a workmate his own age to talk to.
Weakness: Still chasing skirt.
Thomas Mayo
Traditionally, being articulate, principled, Indigenous and comparatively young would be considered insurmountable handicaps for this gig. But as the public face of the Yes23 campaign, Mayo has already earned the ire of the ABC’s most strident critics, including Peta Credlin, Gerard Henderson, Gary Johns and Alan Jones. Being denigrated by that crew is a big part of being ABC Chair. So, a walk-up start.
Strength: One way or the other he’ll be looking for work next year.
Weakness: Given he’s a father of six, we’re likely to be subjected to even more Bluey.